Monty Python meets Feyenoord: name a color under 10

There’s so much written already about Feyenoord, but I couldn’t resist sharing this with you. Peter Wekking’s Monty Python-ish article on what went down in De Kuip (apart from the team…):

The Shakespearean tragedy in Rotterdam went like this.

Gertjan Verbeek is working in his self-built farm in Jubbega, Friesland. Spring knocked on the door. Verbeek’s baccalite phone rang. He looked up annoyed. He still had to do something about the manure-hole, the gasses disturbed the egg-laying of his chickens and since it was almost Easter… But he answered the phone. “Hey”, he said. “Ho” was the populistic respons at the other end. “Rotterdam calling…”. The wise men from Feyenoord wanted him to be the new leader, to re-establish Feyenoord as top club. Train hard, football with the chin up, whipping the players into shape and transform the bundle of has-beens and veterans into a troop of fit and enthusiastic players. Verbeek knew the drill.

Why not, Verbeek though. He left his chooks and jumped on his Harley Davidson, listening to Bob Seger’s Against the wind. He hummed along, not realizing the symbolism. “And the years rolled slowly past. And I found myself alone…”

When he raced onto the parking lot next to De Kuip, technical director Bosz greeted Verbeek exactly how Gertjan likes it. “Ho”. And he slapped him firmly on the shoulder. “So, you old sailorman, you, let’s eat some spice cook, some peasoup and let’s have a beer…”. But, modernism hit Rotterdam and Verbeek did have to do this psychological test.

Why not, Verbeek thought. He was mentally armoured and went into the meeting with doctor Nikivatskaja from the Ural. “Name a color under 10,” the doctor ordered. Stoically, Verbeek looked up and saw Feyenoord’s club colors… “Red!”.

Eureka! The right answer. And Verbeek could start forming the next 100 years of Feyenoord. The players home, the dressing rooms, the fitness room…Verbeek renovated De Kuip and started to renovate the players. On the outside, it looked good. On the inside, it didn’t. The Feyenoord players appeared vulnerable. Heracles Almelo gathered more points in half a season than the Pride of Rotterdam. More and more, anonymous players put Bob Seger on their ipod and hummed “I found myself alone…”

The indestructible fans kept on singing and chanting Verbeek’s name. They could see themselves and their own work ethos and non-conformism in the Fries and believed it was their own reincarnation in that dug out.

But, at the New Years party, suddenly the posh men with the nice suite and the women with purple hair sipping champagne appeared. Doctor Nikivatskaja received a brain wave… He ran to the board of directors and confessed: he had snoozed off during the Verbeek test. The right answer wasn’t Red. It was…Thursday!

And so, the club fired Verbeek. The board members, the board of erections and the players toasted their future. They took a leak and washed their hands in ignorance. After that, they comfortably sat down in their velvet seats in the Asylum called De Kuip.

But, 24 hours later the wise men of Feyenoord presented the successor of Gertjan Verbeek! As off June 200, the Dalai Lama will be in charge of the Biggest Club of Holland…

Dalai wants his team to play one on one…

Dalai with his own ideas about club colors and dug out design…